Another older posting

The cheek of it all...

Ok, here's my rant about the cheek of people offering jobs to actors.

My pissed-off-ness started on Saturday night when I had a theatre tour audition scheduled for 7.15pm, in Egham. Yes you read that right, after seven on a Saturday night! It took an hour to get there and cost me ten pounds. Fair enough, I take that off the tax. I had cut my Friday night short in order to preserve my voice (amazing party in a cool mansion with lovely young lads and ladies in fabulous fancy dress), and spent the best part of Saturday fine-tuning my 2 songs and 2 speeches required for the audition.

So I got there at 7, and they let me wait FOR AN HOUR! I mean talk about running late. A chap who was on before me got called back in to do another song in a different style, so they didn't seem to rush people but still, an hour behind... Another guy turned up about half an hour after me but they let him audition before me because apparently his slot was scheduled first and he was friends with one of the organisers... Nice.

I finally got called in, the guy and gal introduced themselves and then the chap spent 5 minutes just silently reading the form they'd had me fill out. As I was filling it it, there was a question: "Number of professional jobs since graduating" which I found confusing, as I have never counted them so I just wrote: see website (because there are too many to list on my CV). I actually asked the girl what I should put as I wasn't able to count them all in my head, and she asked me if I'd just graduated- Huh!?

I have to say all of this didn't give me the best impression. I mean, have the curtesy to either talk to the person and ask them questions to their face (helloo I am right here!) or just read it in your own time before they come in or after they have left- he did not ask me to clarify a single one of my answers! Anyway, they then totally rushed me through my pieces, even cutting short a 2-minute speech. I am familiar with just singing 16 bars of a song, but to just interrupt a speech someone has spent time preparing, that's never happened to me.
I am not lying if I said I spent less than 10 minutes with these people, after sitting on my ass one hour! Why schedule a time slot at all if its so difficult to at least roughly stick to it!?
I nearly missed my Saturday night out and my poor friend waited around at the cinema for half an hour (I got there at just a quarter to ten).

The second event that made me despair was a call I had this morning, from a film production company producing a programme where they need Swedish speaking actors and extras of Skandinavian appearance. I don't speak Swedish of course, but people constantly think I am Swedish, so I'd applied in the hope that even if it's not going to be a carreer-furthering addition to my showreel/CV or whatever, at least I'll earn some cash and get fed for a few day's extra work.
So this lady runs through all the info with me, availability, measurements and stuff- then I ask about the fee. She says it's the such-and such rate. I asked, so how much is that now, about 68 pounds (thinking she meant Equity)? No not quite that much, she replied (?!).
O-oh, I thought when she started to mention that they'd pay travel and food (well duh of course!), and- wait for it- a 30 pound a day fee!!!
I immediately told her I wouldn't work for that, that's not even Equity rate! No wonder they put it in the Stage or wherever, a reputable extras agency wouldn't touch them with a bargepole! So she told me she'd have a chat with her colleague and get back to me.
After all this malarkey I actually got a call from them a few days later, offering me 50 pounds. In the end I got a lovely makeup job, free food and only worked for about 5 inutes of my half-day call. Result! :-)
Turns out it was a BBC co-production and they suddenly remembered someone had spontaneously paid their license fee.
Not me I might add!


Number three was another little film project -this time about sexual health for the Turkish market. So I get this call at 8.15pm in the evening, another pleasant female voice. I said: that's a late time to still be in the office, and she goes, no I am at home... (?)

Same sort of thing, she explains they are casting for 2 women, one clothed (interviewee) and one nude (big question mark here), so I am thinking I'll go for the clothed part but I was curious how much the nude part would pay and what was involved. You won't believe this- both parts pay at 125 pounds a day! Hello!? I am still thinking, well I am cool with that, I'll just say I'm not interested in the nude role.
So then she goes, just to let you know we'll ask you to take some of your clothes off at the audition! I mean if you are that type of performer, wouldn't you have a portfolio with some artistic nude shots rather than prancing around in your undies at Diorama!? I then told her I wouldn't be interested in being considered for the nude part, and that's when she starts telling me it will all be shot in silhouette- so then what does it matter how big your butt is or whatever!?

I am a big believer in the theory that the fee they are prepared to pay the talent is reflected in the quality of the end product. Who guarantees me that whichever twerp cameraman they find for that kind of dosh is going to do a decent, professional job in filming my best assets? And how about the lighting technicians? And security? Which decent security guard would work for peanuts to ensure not all random runners and work placement students turn up at the set once I stick my naked butt in the air!?
She also was quite vague in where the end product would turn up. Maybe Turkish telly but no guarantees. If it was aimed at schools I doubt the necessity for a fully nude performer. In any case I asked her if they'd have a storyboard at the audition to clarify exactly what they are after. Again she seemed a bit put out. I already know I would never do any nude stuff under these circumstances, but maybe I'll get the other role.

In the end, I got neither. They had filed to mention the clothed part was already cast and it would be shot on the weekend of my cousin's wedding. And if someone tells me going to that audition was "good experience", I'll scream!