The things we do...

Hi to all the lovely girls who contacted me regarding my and their experiences with the "producer" of the Treasure Island project, the relevant post is further down.
I am starting to investigate this man and his methods further and he'd better watch his back for any hidden cameras pointing his way!
That is all I am going to say... ;-)
Cuba my arse!

So these days I am finding myself back in the greedy clutches of the London promotions industry.
No, I am not one of those desperate money-hogging punks in oversized dayglo vests appealing to your conscience and fat wallets for charity donations for sick kids or sad-faced puppies with cancer- I am promoting something far more worthwile:
Free internet!

I get on great with all the turbanned guys in store and try to peddle the appeals of lifelong (well until the company goes bust at least as one "enthusiastic" punter pointed out) free broadband to harrassed city workers with "Panther" contracts, immigrants with suitcases after a cheap pay-as-you-go deal, crack addicts with more cash than hygiene, black single mums and bolshy hooded teenagers.

I'd have a lovely if slightly boring and podiatrically challenging time if it weren't for the overzealous manager who shoved me out the door with a handful of leaflets, saying it was quiet in store and I would have to face the elements wearing a "free forever" T-Shirt and rainbow coloured sash which kept flapping around my ears in the April blizzard.

I wasn't a happy Easter bunny. Actually I am not a bunny at all, more of a canary but you have to ask Orange what that means...

After all I had a more than traumatic leafleting experience about 2 years ago when I was harrassed by my best-friend-turned-Nazi-supervisor, shivering in the icy rain for 12 hour shifts and, to top it all off, punched with a scrunched-up Sainsburys leaflet by a harmless-looking middle-aged woman who apparently had lots of aggression issues against leafleters offering free sandwiches.

So the jobs I have let myself be booked for since then have involved either:
1) the possibility to sneak off and dump the leaflets/have lots of coffee in the warmth
2) serving free champagne in posh venues
3) a certain "minimum" wage
4) the possibility to take home lots of useful free stock (see below for "free condoms").

This poor excuse for a job task had neither of those benefits and hence I was on the phone to my agency in a minute flat, whingeing: "I didn't sign up to do this..." to which the manager replied: "ok, go and have a coffee then mate"- great! But difficult...
I knew eagle-eyes store manager was watching me from behind the glass panes, so instead I went back downstairs to the humble excuse for a staff room (read: one chair facing a microwave, kettle and a selection of "Daily Stars" on a table, surrounded by unbought stock, uneaten doughnuts and fluffs of dust the size of my fist. Plus, you have to wash your hands after using the toilet over a sink filled with used mugs- hygienic!).
I put on my entire wardrobe which wasn't soaked in sweat from cycling (well a struggling actress has to save money and stay fit somehow) and covered it with the promotional sweater and sash, giving me the appearance of a pregnant polar bear.

I am good at leafleting and got rid of the sad pamphlets in about 10 minutes, so lots of whingeing and freezing hands for not a lot of actual effort- apart from overcoming my pride!

Today I searched for more leaflets when it was quiet, and found none- result!

More gossip with the turban crew for me and getting chatted up by a businessman with a house in Poland (which he can call for free if he signs up for the package- no such luck, he was more interested in signing me up for a Polish holiday...).

The bad news after all this today was that the last 2 weeks of the promotion looked doubtful, which will serioulsly limit the amount of champagne I can actually pay for in Cannes- then again usually champagne in Cannes is free! ;-)