No thanks

In the interest of preserving my sanity and helping my finances recover, I have put the acting on ice for a bit.
Although I still sneak off to the occasional casting during my lunch hour (shh!), I am enjoying the routine and security my current position brings, and have no regrets so far.

The other morning, however, I got a message on my answerphone.
It was around 9:30 on a Saturday, and a lady from a touring theatre company I auditioned for last year was on the line. She sounded desperate and urged me to call her- apparently a member of this year's cast had dropped out at the last minute due to a family emergency and she needed a replacement that day for a week's rehearsal.

I felt sorry for her and slightly smug, so I called her back.

I remembered the audition last year well. I arrived on time for an all-singing, all-monologuing audition but they were running about 2 hours behind, leaving me to practise my song in the loos and to gossip with my fellow auditionees.
It would have been a first job for many of them and I really thought I had it in the bag when half of them couldn't even drive, or sing.

Imagine my surprise however, when I was finally called in to do my bit, and the first question the male half of the audition panel asked after ogling my CV (which I'd sent them weeks before)was if I was legally entitled to work in the UK!
What a waste of everyone's time that would have been, if I hadn't been allowed. The mind boggles why they called me in to audition in the first place if they thought there might be an issue with my "work permit".

I am sure it was news to them when I informed them about the EU. I also wondered whether it might not have been a clue to him that my training and all previous work (and even professional driving) experience had taken place in England...

So then I was asked to sing, dance and act in the style of Santa Claus, a sugarplum fairy, a mother, and unruly son and a christmas elf, finishing up with stepping back into the room gradually whilst singing harmony with two other actresses, so they could make sure my voice could still be heard over the playback and cacophony of imaginary children's voices from a certain distance away.

I was finally released and thought I had done ok, but I never heard from them.

So imagine my surprise when that girl phoned up, last minute, this year offering the exact same crap deal as the year before:
£100 for the rehearsal week (6 days), £200 per week during the tour (6 days, 12 shows) and no extra allowance for the drivers.

I was glad to be able to turn them down.